learning the hard way

I thought my kids didn't want to learn today but then I figured out their learning agenda was just different from mine.

Some things they learned (re-learned)...

-don't make that face at mama,

-say "ok mom" and make your physical action match your verbal action,

-do not do things JUST to annoy your brother because that is not nice...however, if you are doing something just for your fun and it is harmless but it does annoy your brother you can consider that a bonus to your fun,

-deep breathing helps almost any situation and especially ones where you are freaking out and forgetting to take in oxygen,

-remember to bring your water bottle cuz siblings backwash,

and

-naps are fun-for everyone.

See?!

Learning!

Score!!

I love my job.

I remember a time in my life when I was crying daily because I was not dedicated enough in my Christian walk. I cried tears of self-loathing and guilt and shame over my obvious lack of desire to "go into all the world". I was having a regularly hard time keeping up with my little chicks at home and would repeatedly turn down offers to let me teach Sunday school, plan a senior party, or even sign up for dedicated hours of prayer.
I was just a big loser.

One day, I was particularly distraught about how I was unwilling to be like Heidi Baker.
She is this awesome missionary that loves on kids and does fabulous things abroad in dangerous countries and she seems to be really happy and fulfilled.
I moaned to God about how I was just a big wienie and how could He possibly love me when I couldn't even pretend to answer His call like Heidi Baker and go "seek and save".

Well, in the midst of my tears my Papa God whispered something to me. I am sure He had to repeat Himself because I was quite in a dither and not listening very well. When He finally got my attention I was shocked by what He said.
"I never asked you to be like Heidi Baker."
Well, that stopped me in my tear-stained tracks. I got really quiet and began to listen.

God began to lay out this picture for me about how He had called Heidi and how she was able to serve Him in joy because she was following Him. He talked about the trouble that starts when we get sucked into looking at other people's missions and taking them on as our own.
That'll suck the life right outta ya.
Then, He started pointing me back to my life. I started seeing my little family and how we go about our days loving Jesus and learning to be in relationship with Him. I smile when I think about this because raising my children is honestly the love of my life. I am good at it.
I am full of joy in it.
To use the words of Eric Liddell: I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast. And when I run I feel His pleasure.
I could feel the pleasure of Papa on me. Really feel it.

I listened for a while, and then I started getting all verklempt again about how I wasn't doing enough.
(I am a stubborn one. )
To which He kindly told me to just knock it off.
Once again He said something to me that changed my life.
"When you get really tired and feel like you need to do more just think about this...you are discipling 5 people 24/7. This is what I have asked you to do. For now, I think that this is enough to keep you busy."
He is really smart like that.

My job...my mission, should I choose to accept it, is to introduce my family to the Lord God of the Universe. I have a limited time. I will not do it perfectly. But if I am able to show them what relationship means I am hoping that they will leave me well equipped to do whatever it is that the Lord would have them do. All while really enjoying His company in the journey.
I believe that all other missions are peripheral.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your mind and all your soul and all your strength.
There might be a reason He listed this first.

I love my job.

saute for elephants...

Today I was offered some breakfast.
My darling princess was cooking up something yummy.
My darling princess who loves to pretend and loves her stuffed animals to the point of insanity.
The point of insanity being total flip-out if someone touches, throws, ignores, or otherwise looks scant-ways at her precious balls of fluff.
This princess asked me if I would like some yummy breakfast.
I sat myself down and obediently closed my eyes and held out my hands.
I felt a bowl.
I looked down and saw...an elephant. A tiny little stuffed animal that is the single most cutest little thing you ever saw. Makes a grownup stop in their tracks and saw "awwww" cute.
My mouth dropped open as she said these words...

"I cooked a baby elephant today...but don't worry, it will be nice and tender....I skinned it first."

pretending...

Have you ever tried to play pretend with a diva?
( A diva in the sense that she is the tippity top talent in the pretend world.)
I mean, you might think you are cool and down with all that...lets face it you can pretend suck a milkshake with oscar nominating sucks...but you cannot match pretend wits with this little diva.

Not by a longshot.

This is how it goes.
She comes to you and asks if you would like some fried eggs. Of course you would.
She knows this.
Bringing out the egg cartons you are suitably pleased to see that there are colored eggs inside. Colored of the easter egg variety. Pretty.
She asks which ones you would like. It has been determined that you would like two. So, you choose pink and blue.
But wait. She brings something from behind her back. You didn't see the other dozen. Wow! Swirly ones. Ok, you deliberate and pick pink and yellow swirly.
It is suggested that you might like the purple instead of pink. It is white chocolate mint ice-cream flavor.
Well, duh.
Off to cook, she hums a happy tune and presently brings back an empty plate. Now you might think that strange, especially if you know for certain that there are like five hundred some odd types of plastic food lurking in the bowels of that kitchen.
Still, you say nothing cuz, hello, this is pretend.
You know the rules. You pick up the knife and cut the eggs then proceed to eat them with a spoon.
mmmmmm....so yummy. She smiles.
Would you like a drink?
Why yes, yes I would.
Would you like lemonade? It comes in lotsa flavors like cherry, and raspberry, and lime. Lime- lemonade is very good.
Hmmmm...you know, I would like to try lime lemonade. That sounds delicious.
But wait...she says...you didn't choose blueberry. It is the very best.
Oh. I didn't know blueberry was an option because you didn't say it.
(Well, obviously I wasn't listening cuz it was listed. Blueberry is always an option.)
Evidently.

She was right, blueberry is delicious.
She suggests that I might cut my eggs with the provided knife. I point out that I did, in fact, cut my eggs already. whatever.
mmmming along, I hold my plate just so as to not get food on my laptop. I even remember my mmming and find chewing motions continue long after she returns to the other room.

Finished with my blueberry lemonade I am now offered another choice of beverage.
I choose water. It is what I drink usually.
Eyes roll. She smiles.
Mommy, this is pretend, you don't do usual in pretend.
Well, in that case, I choose a double chocolate milkshake.
sluuuuuuuuuuurp. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Out of the blue

on Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Today my Mercy says to me, "mommy what happened to Grandma....Grandpa's grandma" (I knew what she meant)
I said, 'she went to heaven to live with Jesus".
"Why did she do that mommy?"
"Well, her body got tired and broken and she died here and got to go and be with Jesus in heaven" I said...stumbling over a few words here and there.
She thought a minute.
"oh yeah" she said. Now she has a new body and she's all alive in Heaven with Jesus forever."
"Yes baby! That is exactly how it is" said her mommy...through her tears.

I think it is stunning how much they know. We have told her this stuff here and there. But seriously, she is three years old. I don't guess I really really thought she got it. Maybe she doesn't...but I think she does. She used her own words and her own understanding and she has it.
I truly am stunned.

I just thought you would like to share that with me.

pain

bit my lip
and now I'm cryin'

paper cut
I could be dyin'

stubbed my toe
the wails come flyin'

pain
it hurts
a lot

splinter in my pinkie digit
get the needle out to dig it
hurry up you filthy pig it
really hurts a lot

little pinch is what they say
you can look the other way
giving blood is not okay

the pain
it hurts
a lot

burn your tongue on hot cocoa
mouth aflame and full of woe
taste all gone for hours or so

pain
it hurts
a lot

bandaids on the boo boos please
dab the bloody scraped up knees
kisses bring a little ease

pain
it hurts
a lot

do not mock as cries shrill higher
acting like this is not dire
say you never care require
and I'll call you "liar, liar"

pain
it hurts
a lot

come a little closer dear
let me grab that precious ear
say it again so we all can hear

that's right

pain

it hurts

a lot

the friendly toot...

Have you ever been sitting at a light and look down for one second and look up to see the light green and before you can get your foot from the brake to the gas you hear some ummmmm...person...honk from behind you? grumblesassafrassasnarkenbumblegrumper....

yeah I hate it when that happens.

Waiting in line is hard. It is hard to sit and wait at a light when it is red and you wish it green. It is harder still when you are second in line. The wait is just that much more insidious.
That car in front of you is trying to bug you. You just know it. You saw them change lanes. You had an open turn lane right up until the last 50 feet and then that car up there just turned right in front of you. Just to make you mad. Obviously they are not paying attention.
They are probably on the phone.

In your opinion they should have their left foot on the brake and their right foot hovering over the gas just waiting for that light to turn green.
Yes, they should.

Do you honk?
Are you a honker?
Do you wish there was some way to say "Hey dorkwad...pay attention!" But in a completely friendly and Christianly sweet (if insincere) way???

Announcing "The Friendly Toot".
For a low, low, notsolow one time only installation fee you can be the proud owner of technology's version of a kick in the pants.
This little baby presents itself as small button mounted on your dashboard that, when pressed, gives a quick loving sound when you want to get that certain someone's attention without exciting their ire.
It says "WAKE UP" in all lower case letters.
It harnesses your cool and lets you keep your pinky up as you drive your land rover down the freeway of success.
Move people without breaking a sweat.
Get your way without the guilt.
Clear your path and remain the lady you were meant to be.
Make yer mama proud.
The Friendly Toot.
Instead of hitting the horn...tap the toot.
The Friendly Toot.

In stores nowhere.
(other tooting applications may apply)

the secret life of quilters....

So we go into a little itty bitty quilters supply store and JerryJoeJimBob asks us what he can help us find.
We need some black fabric.
He can hook us up.
How much do we need?
30 yards.
Well, no, he can't help us with that much on such short notice but if we have cash in hand we can
"go down 30 to Harry Hines and exit Perth and drive into the warehouse district and blah blah blah and under the bridge and turn left and they can help us.
Now you gotta be sure to have cash in hand because money talks and these little oriental ladies have everything you could possibly need. If ya know what I mean.
Watch out tho,cuz they got the good stuff... and they got the other stuff...if ya know what I mean"

We nod. Never intending to make the trip downtown but entranced by the story.

"Remember, cash in hand. Just take 30 down to blah blah.....turn left. There's a jiggle joint on the corner there ladies, if ya know what I mean."

As we leave we discuss the true definition of jiggle joint and wonder if we should be concerned that somehow we just made a drug deal.

Still laughing.

a rose by any other name...

Baby girl has a teddy bear named "Jesus".

It is really strange to hear her talk to him.
"wait right there Jesus I will be right back. Don't get into anything while I am gone."

I wonder why she named him Jesus. It is kind of an angel teddy. Gauzy wings and what looks to be a beauty pageant ribbon thing across the chest. Maybe that is her vision of Jesus.
Do you think Jesus would be a shoe in for Miss Congeniality?

Mr. Congeniality I guess makes more sense.

Anyway, baby girl is pretty practical when it comes to naming her babies. Sometimes.

She has a bear named Pinkety. He is pink.
She also has a bear named Softly. He is my favorite. He is really really soft.
There is a stable of ponies...
Sunset...is orange.
Sunshine...yellow.
ClipClop...grey with one white foot. A clipclop is a foot. In case you wondered.
Alec Jr...she really loves him. (she has a friend named Alec)
Happy bear...is actually a dog...sometimes we call him Funny Dog
Pink Bow
Giraffeee
Lamby
Sally the frog

The tiny little squinkys in no particular order...
Mustache Louie,
Pengou,
Mr Purple Bulldog
Mooie
Elle the Elephant
Big Warthog
Big Baby
Cotton Candy Lion
Tiger Tiger
Ar, Ar, Ar (a seal)
The Tooth Fairy
Floppy Ears

Polly pockets have names that may or may not be influenced by Disney...
Cinderella, Snow White, Ariel, Jasmine, she has others.

Her brothers may have helped her name some of the dollhouse people...
Anya the mother
Judy the babysitter
Judy is also the grandma...they are two different dolls
Montino the neighbor
Bobby is the teenager guy...he farts a lot.
John...just because

Last but not least we have the baby dolls.
One is named Delilah. She just likes that name. It is a good name.
Her little sister is named Felicia. Felicia is glad to have a name. She has an unfortunate name history. Someone got to her with a sharpie. She ended up with a beauty mark on her cheek.
Her name...up until recently....
Blackspot.

I know.

I am not a bitter homeschooler...still, I laugh at this...

The Bitter Homeschooler's Wish List

by Deborah Markus, from Secular Homeschooling, Issue #1, Fall 2007

1 Please stop asking us if it's legal. If it is — and it is — it's insulting to imply that we're criminals. And if we were criminals, would we admit it?

2 Learn what the words "socialize" and "socialization" mean, and use the one you really mean instead of mixing them up the way you do now. Socializing means hanging out with other people for fun. Socialization means having acquired the skills necessary to do so successfully and pleasantly. If you're talking to me and my kids, that means that we do in fact go outside now and then to visit the other human beings on the planet, and you can safely assume that we've got a decent grasp of both concepts.

3 Quit interrupting my kid at her dance lesson, scout meeting, choir practice, baseball game, art class, field trip, park day, music class, 4H club, or soccer lesson to ask her if as a homeschooler she ever gets to socialize.

4 Don't assume that every homeschooler you meet is homeschooling for the same reasons and in the same way as that one homeschooler you know.

5 If that homeschooler you know is actually someone you saw on TV, either on the news or on a "reality" show, the above goes double.

6 Please stop telling us horror stories about the homeschoolers you know, know of, or think you might know who ruined their lives by homeschooling. You're probably the same little bluebird of happiness whose hobby is running up to pregnant women and inducing premature labor by telling them every ghastly birth story you've ever heard. We all hate you, so please go away.

7 We don't look horrified and start quizzing your kids when we hear they're in public school. Please stop drilling our children like potential oil fields to see if we're doing what you consider an adequate job of homeschooling.

8 Stop assuming all homeschoolers are religious.

9 Stop assuming that if we're religious, we must be homeschooling for religious reasons.

10 We didn't go through all the reading, learning, thinking, weighing of options, experimenting, and worrying that goes into homeschooling just to annoy you. Really. This was a deeply personal decision, tailored to the specifics of our family. Stop taking the bare fact of our being homeschoolers as either an affront or a judgment about your own educational decisions.

11 Please stop questioning my competency and demanding to see my credentials. I didn't have to complete a course in catering to successfully cook dinner for my family; I don't need a degree in teaching to educate my children. If spending at least twelve years in the kind of chew-it-up-and-spit-it-out educational facility we call public school left me with so little information in my memory banks that I can't teach the basics of an elementary education to my nearest and dearest, maybe there's a reason I'm so reluctant to send my child to school.

12 If my kid's only six and you ask me with a straight face how I can possibly teach him what he'd learn in school, please understand that you're calling me an idiot. Don't act shocked if I decide to respond in kind.

13 Stop assuming that because the word "home" is right there in "homeschool," we never leave the house. We're the ones who go to the amusement parks, museums, and zoos in the middle of the week and in the off-season and laugh at you because you have to go on weekends and holidays when it's crowded and icky.

14 Stop assuming that because the word "school" is right there in homeschool, we must sit around at a desk for six or eight hours every day, just like your kid does. Even if we're into the "school" side of education — and many of us prefer a more organic approach — we can burn through a lot of material a lot more efficiently, because we don't have to gear our lessons to the lowest common denominator.

15 Stop asking, "But what about the Prom?" Even if the idea that my kid might not be able to indulge in a night of over-hyped, over-priced revelry was enough to break my heart, plenty of kids who do go to school don't get to go to the Prom. For all you know, I'm one of them. I might still be bitter about it. So go be shallow somewhere else.

16 Don't ask my kid if she wouldn't rather go to school unless you don't mind if I ask your kid if he wouldn't rather stay home and get some sleep now and then.

17 Stop saying, "Oh, I could never homeschool!" Even if you think it's some kind of compliment, it sounds more like you're horrified. One of these days, I won't bother disagreeing with you any more.

18 If you can remember anything from chemistry or calculus class, you're allowed to ask how we'll teach these subjects to our kids. If you can't, thank you for the reassurance that we couldn't possibly do a worse job than your teachers did, and might even do a better one.

19 Stop asking about how hard it must be to be my child's teacher as well as her parent. I don't see much difference between bossing my kid around academically and bossing him around the way I do about everything else.

20 Stop saying that my kid is shy, outgoing, aggressive, anxious, quiet, boisterous, argumentative, pouty, fidgety, chatty, whiny, or loud because he's homeschooled. It's not fair that all the kids who go to school can be as annoying as they want to without being branded as representative of anything but childhood.

21 Quit assuming that my kid must be some kind of prodigy because she's homeschooled.

22 Quit assuming that I must be some kind of prodigy because I homeschool my kids.

23 Quit assuming that I must be some kind of saint because I homeschool my kids.

24 Stop talking about all the great childhood memories my kids won't get because they don't go to school, unless you want me to start asking about all the not-so-great childhood memories you have because you went to school.

25 Here's a thought: If you can't say something nice about homeschooling, shut up!

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