"Mommmeeeeeeee..." she says in her little girl voice.
"remember you said that when the boys left I could have a computer turn and now they are gone and you promised you would get me on the computer."
well, actually I didn't say that last part. But she heard it never-the-less.
I am fine with her playing computer, but why does she have to say it in such a way as to make me feel like I betrayed her?
I swear, it feels more like this...
"mommeeeeeee, you promised me you were going to come back for me but you didn't. You left me standing on the curb, in the rain, with no shoes, and no money for milk; while you went off with your gambling buddies and spent all our rent money."
sigh.
I didn't make any grandiose promises. I just said she could play computer when the boys left.
I am big enough to admit here that I may or may not have actually been listening to what she asked. (sometimes it happens)
I probably said something to make her happy while she was in the depths of despair because she was not going to get to go with them.
I used my words to put off (if even for a little while) having to take care of ...whatever... right this minute.
I do that a lot you know. Say stuff. To delay. Or stall.
I say "yes, later." and "sure, sometime." and "not today."
And then I almost always regret saying such things when it "later, sometime, and tomorrow" actually show up.
Give me some credit here...I try to be as ambiguous as possible. I try not to lay out some fantastical scenario that will cause hopes to be dashed and dreams to be crushed on the savage rocks of reality.
Mostly, I try to put off the painful no. In fact, I try not to bring the no at all if I can help it.
My reasoning?
Well, kids are funny ya see.
I once read a bit about how a baby might think. The baby wakes up and it is dark and lonely. So he starts whimpering for his mama. He cries softly but she does not hear. He cries louder but she still does not respond. So He starts kicking. As he is kicking and crying she walks in and flips on the light.
Now the baby...in all his worldly wisdom...might actually associate the kicking and the light. Especially if his mommy has been trained to not respond until baby is all worked up.
Baby thinks that if he kicks his legs the room lights up.
No, I have never tested this.
I just think it is funny.
So back to my not liking to say no.
If my kid asks for ice cream and I say "no", I may mean "not right now" but the kids hears "no ice cream for you ever" and the kid starts to wail and the mommy cannot give in to the wails so the "not right now" becomes "never".
And that is terrible.
Or, the "not right now" is taken in stride but then later the kid kicks her brother but the mommy doesn't see and then the kid innocently brings up the fact that she did, in fact, finish all her dinner and could she now have ice cream...so mommy says "yes!"
And the kid associates her rotten brother bashing behavior with ice cream reward.
See...bad.
So, I prefer the "later" scenario. Which I almost always pair with addendum and parameters to beat the band because that is my way.
And all that legal jargon comes out in the language of the adults on the Snoopy cartoons..
"wah, wah, wahhhwa wa...later"
Later is all the kid hears.
And then she reminds the mommy.
And she knows, this kid, that this mommy hates un-kept promises.
(although technically there were no promises made...just to be clear on that)
On a bad day her wheedles might tick this mommy off and she might hear this,
"I made no promises missy. This is later, but so is later...uh...later, so you have to wait til I am good and ready."
But on a good day the mommy will see the rightness and feel the guilt and come through for the kid.
And the kid will feel all warm and gooey inside.
And the mommy will feel accomplished and hopefully not like she caved.
(be extra careful of the timing with this one...one whine and then you are rewarding the whine...keep the power mama...you decide.)
Later has done what it was designed to do. It delayed.
And that is sometimes all that is needed for a mommy to get a grip.
I ain't sayin that this is the best course of action. I am just sayin that this is how it goes around here.
This mommy likes to milk the later. (and if you ain't had later milk lately you are missin out)
Later can be a very useful tool.
Still, this mommy wishes "later" weren't so stinkin punctual.
