In response to my friend MQ over at "it's a process..." Who was laughing about trying to get her girls to locate something visually...I would like to talk about trying to get kids to pick up.
Not just any picking up.
The picking up of that specific object that you (meaning I) are too lazy to get up and get yourself.
Let's just say that object is the remote control.
You need that remote control. You must have it. There is a kid sitting right there on the floor that could easily reach over and pick up the remote control and hand it to you.
Ok, OK he is in the other room and you would have to call him in here...but that is beside the point.
It would be far easier for him...with his young strong body to (stop whatever it is he is doing and come in here and) pick up that remote control and hand it to you...than it would be for you to haul your tired old body off the couch to walk the four feet over there to pick up that remote and then return alllll the way over here and sit your lazy butt...I mean, tired old bones back down on the couch.
Far easier.
So you do. You call him. In that sweet lilting mother voice that you have.
"Oh Billllly".....or Tommy, or Freddie, or Beaver...whatever...
"Could you please come in here and help mommy for a minute sweetie?"
"Sure mommy." he says.
He's much too young to roll his eyes. If he were old enough to roll his eyes you would have just said to him..."HEY Bill why did you leave the remote way over by the tv? Get in here and get it for me kid."
That would be much easier. Eye rolling would ensue but you could handle that...because you would have the remote. It would be done. Totally worth the hassle.
But no...you do not have a kid old enough to eye roll. You have a small child. A young child. An ignorant...I mean innocent child. (I stole that line from MQ.)
So your sweet baby comes in the room and you say...
"Hi honey! Could you please pick up that thing for mommy?"(you don't bother to say remote control because he will not know what that is)
He nods his head. Big eyes all precious.
"Ok, pick it up and bring it to mommy!"
He looks around. Left...right...up...down...makes a complete circle. He does not see the thing.
"Honey...get the thing. The thing on the floor."
He looks down.
"Yes, baby...now get the thingy."
He picks up a sock.
"No, darling...not the sock. The black thing. The remote. The thing right there by your foot."
He lifts his foot and looks puzzled.
"Ok honey, now put your foot down on the floor and pick up the thing that is right there."
He steps on the remote.
"YES! that thing!! The one you just stepped on! Bring it to mommy!!!"
You are shouting now and he starts to tear up cuz you scared him a little bit with your enthusiasm.
"Honey it's ok. Don't cry. Just reach down and pick up the thing."
He backs up and turns around looking for the thing.
"WAIT! (shouting again...try to keep calm) Wait. Sweetie. Ok. Stop right there and put your hands down on the floor. Now turn around. "
He turns a 360 and ends up facing the same direction he was facing.
"Now, turn just a little bit more. Stop. Turn the other way baby."
"ok love...(you are whispering now) just put your hand right next to your foot. No the other foot. Ok now move your hand just a little bit up. Now look at your hand. "
He looks at the other hand.
Sigh.
"Baby, darlin'...please, please, please listen. Stretch out your hand just a teensy tinsey bit and bring me that black thing that you put your hand on."
He brings you a lego.
Ok...you give up. You are ready to just get up and get the bleepity remote yourself.
"Mommy, can I watch Barney now?" Says your precious one as he walks over... picks up the remote... and brings it to you.
Big sigh.
.......................................................................................................
Ok see, you think I am done.
No.
After the children are done with the cute precious wonderful world of Barney you end up with teenagers that also tend to be a little "challenged" in the ways of communication and instruction.
Here is a real life example.
As we are leaving the house I say to the boy,
"Quick go upstairs and bring me my reading glasses and my phone which is plugged in by the computer over by the baby's dollhouse."
The main word here being..."quick". We were in a major hurry.
I am in the car. Waiting. Still waiting.
Wondering if he slipped and fell down the stairs in his haste to be "quick".
Still waiting. Just about ready to turn off the car and go check on him.
Here he comes. Walking...out of the house.
"What took you so long?" "Do you have my glasses?" Good. "Do you have my phone?"
"No mom, couldn't find it."
"Did you look by the computer?"
"Which computer? The one downstairs?"
"No son, the one upstairs. Where I told you to go. The one where you found my reading glasses."
"I didn't see your cell phone."
"It is plugged in right by the dollhouse. By the computer."
"In your room?"
"No son. By the computer. Next to the dollhouse."
"The dollhouse is in the hallway."
"No son, the dollhouse...the big dollhouse sitting right beside the computer upstairs where I told you to go."
"Oh! Upstairs?! "
Mom hangs her head.
"Ok, I didn't need that phone. Let's go."
Boy just shrugs. (probably thinking..."wow! Moms are weird.")
Sigh. Deep breath. Sigh again.
kids. they are ridiculously funny. :-)
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